Exponential Love

While pregnant with Naomi, I had the fleeting worry that - because I loved Samara so much - it would be difficult to share my heart with another child. I was assured by other moms and by my own experience of being loved-well-among-siblings by my own parents that your heart expands to include the new little one and there's always enough love to go around. I had no doubt this would happen for me. Even still, my heart caught as we said good bye to Samara last week Thursday at 5 minutes to noon. She was stuffing herself with mac and cheese; she hardly looked up to say good bye.

In the last seven days, I have remembered how to nurse and how to live on less sleep - as I expected. I've lost 25 pounds and gained - as I expected - a vast space inside to fill with love for Naomi. But here's what I didn't expect. I didn't expect my love for and delight in Samara to grow like it has. I am just as enamored with the newness of Samara as a sister-in-relationship-to-Naomi as I am with the newness of Naomi. Samara has become more her own person - more distinctly 'her' - because her own heart and world have expanded. And my love for Samara has grown. I figured there'd be room for Naomi - and I've been given that, plus even more room for Samara.

Thank you, God, for creating us to be in relationship... You must take such great joy in your children becoming more of who you've created them to be when they enter relationships with your other children. How vast your heart must be. O Love, how deep? How broad? How high? Beyond all thought and fantasy...